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Now, For the Men

Marcia and Michael

What does a guy to do when he’s “helping plan his wedding”? He listens intently, he agrees a lot, he doesn’t try to choose colors, he provides comforting hugs, he doesn’t criticize, he shows upwhere he’s supposed to (on time), and he does what the boss says. That’s how it works.

After all, how many guys pore through wedding magazines? How many guys just loved the movie, “Ever After,” ... or “Princess Bride?” She is incredibly more suited to run this show, fellas. Just relax and enjoy the ride. While riding, remember these important points:

To women, hugs from you represent safety, approval, love, caring, and all those things she needs while making a ton of big decisions.
Offer your help in everything. Women, regardless of their age, take their wedding day more to heart than men do. That’s just natural. It’s especially so if her family is paying for most of it; she might feel a responsibility to do it all as well as possible on the budget she’s been given. But, having offered your help, don’t push her to accept your opinion: This is her day first.
Take her out: For a drink, coffee, or a nice quiet dinner as often as you can, especially after she’s been doing a lot of interviewing. She'll want to tell you all about it and get your feedback.
Listen to all of her stories: About the people she’s talked with. Patiently. Approvingly. You are on her side. In the minds of the professionals she’s talking to, she is the customer, and she receives the respect that goes with that role. She deserves the same from you.
Surprises? Some surprises you might spring on her will be welcome; others won’t. Try to figure out which ones are which a long time before you spring them.
Don’t add to her anxiety. This involves being available (keep your cell phone turned on), never being late, waiting patiently when she isn’t on time, and not being angry when wedding arrangements take precedence over movie plans.

Tuman/A-1 Photography men pic

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Some things that seem to be side issues to you will be important to her. Don’t make light of her concerns about styles, colors, baby’s breath versus lilac in her bouquet, or anything else she is taking seriously. No kidding.

Take the lead on all of the Honeymoon arrangements after talking over and deciding where you’d like to go and what you’d both like to do. (The Honeymoon was once the Groom’s financial responsibilty; now, it’s usually added to the general fund.)

Finally, don’t neglect any real duty you have as a groom. Get your tux fitted on time. Take care of the fittings for your groomsmen, your dad or relatives, and other such things.

If she gives you a job to do, don’t let her down: It’s part of helping her with one of the biggest deals of her life. Practice patience, and when you blow it, ask her to do the same. This is Marriage Boot Camp.